Defining the moment

surrealhaving the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic 

After years of wanting it, a year (plus) of stressing over it, and months of obsessing to the point of tears about it I am finally at the tail end of the process. I have been rejected by schools; I have been accepted to schools, including my top choice school in the UK and I have accepted.

There are logistical concerns: getting the visa, meeting the visa requirements, gathering the paperwork, the tuition (funding), etc. 

But I got in. That in and of itself was a huge moment for me and I was thankful for those that shared in my celebration because they knew what this meant to me. What this means to me.

This isn’t just another trip, an excursion away from my life for a few months. This is a year of hard work, of  lectures, exams, a dissertation/thesis… all away from the creature comforts of home. I won’t be able to leave on a whim at 11am to go to the beach for the weekend. There’s a difference between backpacking through South/South-East Asia and moving to a new country.

Moving, for a year.

And I felt so stagnant. I was feeling like I was treading water and doing nothing. My life was at a standstill with my career choices, with my love life, and with my overall apathetic mood. 

And I’m probably dramatizing it, but it feels better. It feels great knowing I’m going to get my Masters. That I’m moving on, that I feel like I can finally move on. The fantasy of maybe, someday is gone. The maybe, someday is here (well not here, here since I’m not leaving just yet) and I’m working my way through the final obstacles.

I’m not being held back by fear, or scared I’ll never be good enough. I’ve been accepted; I am good enough. I’m good enough for my top choice. I’m good enough for the one I want.

And at 28, it’s an amazing experience to feel that way for the first time.

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