Changes in the house of flies

Honestly, there are days that I regret my decision to go to Sri Lanka. Not Sri Lanka itself, but that process. There are moments where I think back to how happy I was before with my great job, amazing friends, fantastic coworkers, nice apartment. Sure I had bills to pay but I also had money to have fun with. I enjoyed waking up and going to work every day. I truly think I had one of the best jobs out there. I was happier more at the ESL school than I’d ever been in any position.

And then I left.

And it was one of the scariest fucking decisions I’ve ever made. I had been instilled with this idea that you needed a job. And here I had one, but not only that, one I loved. And I was leaving it? Part of me wondered if I was going nuts. 

But if I hadn’t gone to Sri Lanka, if I hadn’t been open to it and the experiences that came from those 4 months abroad, I’m not sure who I’d be. Sri Lanka changed me. It changed how I saw the world. There is traveling and there is experiencing where you’ve traveled to. And sure, I loved Italy, I enjoyed Canada to the point of wanting to move to Vancouver… but Sri Lanka impacted me. It left a dent and it forever altered my perceptions, my ideas, how I live my life. 

So while I have my regrets 10-15% of the time, the other 85-90% of the time, They say that fear is one of the most common deterrents. Personally, I feel like happiness can be. If you’re happy, how do you know when to challenge yourself? How do you know when to push? In some aspects, I think it’s easier to change your life when fear facing you, than when happiness is primarily because there is always that little voice in the back of your head wondering if this new experience will make you just as content. And I honestly don’t know if it does for everyone.

I just lucked out. You can’t really compare happiness with life-altering. It’s like apples and oranges.

Happiness is surface layer. Life-changing hits you at the pit of your stomach and leaves you on your head.

Today, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.


*subject is a song title by The Deftones

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